


Seventeenth

by Resistance



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, New Jersey Devils, University of North Dakota
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2013-09-13
Packaged: 2017-12-26 11:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/965643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Resistance/pseuds/Resistance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zach talks about how he got where he is now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seventeenth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [derpyjeffcarter (skinner_girl)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skinner_girl/gifts).



I met him in Michigan of all places. 

I was lying in bed thinking about this after a reporter ask me and I lied to him. We may have played each other in high school, but I don’t remember it happening. Shattuck, honestly, was kind of a blur. Ryan was part of the US development program. I wasn’t, but they knew I was good. Everyone knew I was good, the whole hockey community was talking about me. I was the best up and coming player they’d ever seen. USA hockey knew it. Hell, the NHL knew it.

My dad wanted me to go to college, but all I cared about was hockey. I judged every school I looked at by their hockey program. Jordan was already in a USHL program, but he’s a goalie, so you can’t really go by what he did. I liked North Dakota. It’s not Minnesota, but it had a really good team and I was going to be the star starting Freshman year. That was important to me. Dad wanted Jordan to do college too, so once I committed to be a Fighting Sioux, he started looking at the school too. He might have even looked at the school stuff, I didn’t.

So between high school and college, I was invited to development camp for USA hockey. (Okay, high school wasn’t exactly over yet, but this was much more important than that.) Of course, I didn’t need developing, really, but that was the path to play in Worlds and I intended to do that. I wasn’t invited to Juniors, but U18 would have to do for then. Camp was in Michigan. That’s where I met him for the first time. When reporters ask us, we pretend not to remember, but we both know exactly what happened that day. 

He was already in the locker room when I walked in that first day. I’d had my share of fun in high school with the guys, but no one did anything serious then and I didn’t intend to do anything serious going forward. I liked to have fun. He looked like fun. I cornered him after practice and turned the charm up to eleven. He fell for me that first day. If I did or didn’t is my business. It was fun to tease him, he was pretty easy to frustrate. We were staying with families, nothing was going to go on at one of their houses. But we left for Slovakia pretty soon after that. Needless to say, we only use one of the beds in that hotel room.

Of course, the US kicked ass that tournament. I scored the winning goal against Russia. Don’t think I’m bragging when I say that medal rested on me. Thirty seconds left and we had to win by two to make Gold. We pulled our goalie and put me in. It was do or die. And I scored. I won that Gold for us. Ryan talked about how beating Russia was so huge to him, I guess it was a family honor thing, but I just shrugged. My dad’s French Canadian, he could not have cared less what happened in 1980. But Ryan’s family was crazy about it. His father was happier about that Gold medal than he should have been. It’s not like it was the Stanley Cup or even the Olympics. It was just a stepping stone. But it was a big deal to the Suters. I was glad I could give that to him, though I was trying to ignore that feeling.

As we were leaving, he and I exchanged phone numbers, e-mail addresses, and a loose promise to get in contact if we were in the same neighborhood. He wanted to play for Wisconsin someday, we’d probably play each other, but no big deal. I tried to tell myself he was just another hook-up, nothing more, nothing less. But that was a lie. I thought about him a lot that summer. I’m sure he was thinking about me, too. I didn’t call him, though. That would have made something out of it, and I didn’t want anything serious. Besides, I was going off to college. That was going to be party central. I couldn’t be tied down before that. He didn’t call me either, he was probably thinking the same thing.

North Dakota wasn’t exactly what I expected. I wasn’t the best player on that team and I hated that. Nothing pushed me harder than to be better than that son-of-a-bitch. I might be from Minnesota, but I am not Nice. He was both from Minnesota and Nice, and that pissed me off even more. (There’s a part of me that is glad he never really made it in the NHL. Told ya I’m not Nice.) He was older than me, I told myself. But I still pushed myself harder because I had to be better than him. He had been drafted seventh overall a few years before, so I told myself I would get drafted higher. 

I didn’t. The fact that the Draft was held in Nashville should have told me everything I needed to know about it, but I didn’t know that then. The Devils told me they traded picks with the Oilers because they wanted me. I was supposed to go top ten, at least. I went seventeenth. If they wanted me, they were the only ones. Ryan went seventh. I was so angry, but I couldn’t show it. I had to pretend to be happy to be drafted to New Jersey, seventeenth overall. I wanted to glare at the Penguins. A goalie? I don’t care how good he is, picking a goalie first overall is stupid. I should have been top five. At least Ryan wasn’t either. I didn’t see him after the draft. I found out later why. I didn’t know that at the time, but I doubt I would have cared. I was too focused on the fact I went seventeenth. 

After that, I did think about him from time to time, but that didn’t stop me from having a damn good time at school. He e-mailed me when he got to Wisconsin, but I figured he e-mailed everyone about that, he was excited. He had always wanted to play for them, so he went, even if he’d already been drafted and was practically guaranteed a spot in Nashville. Another year of college wouldn’t hurt, though, and Jordan was going to play with me, so I went back, too. I figured Ryan had as good a time as I did. No one’s ever told me they partied with him back then, but no one told me they didn’t either. I don’t care, really. That’s his business.

World Juniors in Finland was my time to show everyone exactly why they should have drafted me higher. And I did. I was named Most Valuable Player of the whole damn tournament. How’s that for seventeenth overall? I decided then that I’d spend my whole career showing them exactly what they missed out on by not drafting me. And I’d show the Devils what they invested in. That tournament was big for me, mentally. I was set to rule the NHL after that. And I saw Ryan again. And again we only used one bed in that hotel room. Hell, we barely left that hotel room other than to play hockey. I was flying high and he got the benefits of that. And damn did he take advantage of that. I won him another Gold Medal to give his dad. And something changed. I think that’s when our connection was finalized. After that, we knew we were something, even if we never said a damn word of it. We weren’t dating type people. Little did I know, I wasn’t the only connection he’d made. 

I decided after that, I would sign with the Devils and take home the Calder that year. And then the NHL had the goddamn nerve to have a lockout. I was ready to go, I didn’t want to waste time in the AHL. But I had no choice. I’d make the best of it. I’d just have to rule that team first, a practice run for the NHL. Which I guess worked out okay. That team sucked hardcore, we finished with 71 points when we needed about 90 to make the playoffs. So saying I was the best player on that team isn’t saying much. But I was the best player. Jordan had stayed in North Dakota and was doing really well. He started talking a lot about this guy that had joined the team. He’d been drafted by the Devils, too, and Jordan couldn’t stop talking about how good he was. On the ice and off. Yeah, my dopey big brother had a boyfriend. And evidently he’d be my teammate eventually. So it was in my best interest to go see if he was as good as Jordan said he was.

The first time I saw Travis, he was skating alone at the Ralph. I’d snuck in plenty of times to skate alone when I was there, I was just planning to kill some time while Jordan was in class. I remember watching him before he noticed me and I swear to God, I fell in love with him in that moment. That sounds so much cheesier than I usually am, but it’s true. I have no idea what it was, I just wanted him. Not only sexually, I wanted to skate with him and I wanted to look at him. I didn’t understand the feeling at all, but it was there. I didn’t know who he was at the time. A lot of our friends don’t believe that, but it’s true. It wasn’t like he was wearing his jersey. I put on my skates and tried to be as quiet as I could stepping out onto the ice, but he caught me. The first time we looked at each other the whole damn world stopped. Even before I knew who he was, I was in so much trouble. 

We skated together for a little while before either one of us spoke. It was completely silent in the whole rink except for the sound of our skates. It was incredible. Without a word, we connected. I knew it and he knew it. Neither of us was exactly happy about it. I didn’t know his reasons yet, but I knew that I had never wanted to date, especially not going into the NHL. But I didn’t have a choice. I had to be with him. He had to be mine. I couldn’t deny it and I couldn’t escape it. What was worse, I didn’t want to either. And then he spoke. 

“I’m Travis.”

Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I tried not to let that show on my face, but I’m sure it did. But he smiled at me and I couldn’t help but smile at him and the reasons that was a really bad thing completely fell out of my mind and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. 

“I’m Zach.”

It was his turn to have that reaction. I watched his face mirror exactly what had been in my head just moments before. And then I watched the realization that it didn’t matter dawn on him too. I saw him realize that we had to be together no matter what. And I saw him smile. I skated closer to him and he didn’t skate away. I kissed him. He kissed me back. I couldn’t form a coherent thought if it meant the Stanley Cup. It didn’t really occur to me at the time that the fact that I knew he was safe to hit on was because the guy I was kissing, the guy that I had just fallen in love with, was my brother’s boyfriend.

I knew I had to have him and I didn’t want to wait. I didn’t have to say a word, I just looked at him, met his eyes and I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. We somehow managed to get our skates off and made our way barefoot to an empty office beside the locker room. I don’t know if anyone saw us, I didn’t care. All I could think about was how badly I wanted to be with him, I wanted to claim him as mine. And I did. On that leather couch. He was incredible. We were incredible. We barely said a word to each other, we just knew how it was best. I held his eyes the whole time. I can’t even say we fucked, we did something else. We claimed each other. It’s pointless to try to put it into words, they don’t do it justice. I have no idea how long we were there, but it was long past the time I was supposed to meet Jordan. It was long past the time that Travis was supposed to meet Jordan, too. 

We didn’t tell him right away. Travis felt guilty. I probably should have, too, but it was just so meant to be, that I didn’t. I went back to Albany and Travis stayed in Grand Forks and stayed with Jordan. I called him when I knew Jordan was in class. We didn’t talk about anything important, just what was going on with me or with him. Practice, games, classes, boring everyday stuff that I wouldn’t have wanted to talk to anyone else about. It started out that I called him a couple times a week. That changed to calling him every day without realizing it. I knew his schedule and Jordan’s. I knew when to call and how long we could talk. I just liked hearing his voice. 

Ryan had signed with the Predators and was spending his locked out season in Milwaukee which made him happy. He was making a lot of phone calls too. But since we didn’t talk to each other, neither of us knew what was going on. A few months in, Travis decided he was going to tell Jordan everything. I knew that was coming, but I hadn’t been looking forward to it. I might not be Nice, but that didn’t mean I enjoyed upsetting my brother. On the other hand, it was Travis and he was mine. He decided he wanted to do it alone, which was fine with me. Turns out he already knew. To this day, I have no idea how he figured it out, I thought we were so subtle, but I guess not as subtle as I thought. (I did learn to get better at that.) He called me after he and Travis talked about it. He called me an asshole, which was fair. And told me I’m still his brother whether I like it or not, which was good to hear. And he wished me luck with Travis. He pointed out that a person that’s willing to cheat with you, is likely to cheat on you, too. I wonder if he told him the same thing. He would have been right.

I’ll always remember my first NHL game for the pure spite of it all. Opening day, we were playing the Penguins. It was Sidney Crosby’s first NHL game, too. Everyone was looking at him and talking about him. Fucking first overall. But whose night was it? Mine. Who got their first goal in their first game? Me. Who ended up with a three point night? Me. What’d he have? An assist. And a not-so-subtle hook from me. Seventeenth overall? Hardly. It felt so damn good. The Penguins could have picked me. They passed. Where was that goalie? Ha. I talked to Travis all night. He slept through two classes the next day.

Fast forward a little. January 19, 2006. I know that date. I don’t remember all of them, but I know that one. I think Ryan would be surprised that I remember that date. At the time, I didn’t expect the game to be anything except playing against someone I used to know. I hadn’t talked to him in a while, it’d be nice to see him, to catch up. That’s all. Hey, I had a boyfriend. Turns out, so did he. And his was right there on the ice beside him. I saw how they looked at each other, I couldn’t help it. I saw how they read each other. And I was completely shocked to find I was feeling a little jealous. I tried to tell myself that Travis would probably be on the team next season and I’d have a connection to someone on the ice like that, but that wasn’t what I was jealous of. I caught them on the bench, whispering to each other, and I wanted to punch the other guy. I’d never met him and I wanted to hit him. The reaction was crazy and I tried to ignore it. My game sucked.

I waited for him after the game. They came out of the locker room together, but I caught Ryan’s eye and I could tell he knew exactly what I was going to say before I said it. I don’t know what excuse he made to Shea, I didn’t care. I needed to get him alone and it needed to be right then. I tried to hear what he was saying to Ryan, but he spoke so damn softly, it was annoying. I did catch something about a truck and I rolled my eyes. Just because they were in Nashville, did they have to play the role? Though Ryan did always like listening to that twangy music. So Shea left and I grabbed Ryan and kissed him. I think he said something about getting dinner. I know we ended up at a hotel that was not the one my team was staying at. I know that being with him again felt like coming home. I knew he couldn’t spend the night, but I didn’t care. What time we had together reawakened things that I’d forgotten about. 

Damn him.


End file.
